The Colors and Friendship of Grief

My mom went to Heaven at the beginning of December, 2014. In the years that have passed since she's been gone, l've attempted to make sense of life without her. What I can say is that it is a learned experience that seems to change for no apparent reason. I've read many books and searched for help and comfort in my friends. With every conversation, the weight lifts a little bit. My hope is that this will be one of those uplifting "conversations".

In the year 2020, I think we, collectively, all experienced loss, grief and longing in profound and life-altering ways. It is with this in mind that I have taken the time to write about my thoughts on grief and loss.

For a long time, I think I was running away from grief. I saw it as only negative and exhausting. I am beginning to experience something entirely different, a change in perspective.

Or maybe something even better... A journey worth taking.

Grief is a journey. We start walking down that road and we see life differently. It's not just a change of scenery, it's a change of perspective. It is intensely painful but it brings with it an unexpected gift; not just the experience of intensified pain but also amplified joy.

There comes with grief's friendship a kind of living for the present and a kind of gratitude for others that previously was dulled.

Grief adds a spectrum of color like looking through polarized lenses. The colors of life are more vivid. The light is brighter and the darkness darker. The yellow is more intense.

The black and the blues are deeper.

It qualitatively changes your perspective.

Grief also "polarizes" emotions. We feel the joy more deeply. We feel how much we are loved and how much we love. The good and invited emotions are awakened as well as the uninvited emotions.

Grief asks questions of us.

In John 11 there is a really touching account of three friends dealing with loss. Jesus is one of the friends. We see in Jesus' responses to Mary and Martha that He validated the anger and fear that accompany loss. Jesus didn't turn Martha away. He didn't criticize or demean her for questioning Him. Instead He showed her his "staying power". He stood with her and revealed to her that Life, that God, was right there in front of her. (John 11:25) Jesus also went and found Mary. She was overtaken with sorrow, maybe disillusioned? (John 11:20,32) Jesus cried with her. (John 11:35,36)

The One who was getting ready to raise a man from the dead still took the time to experience loss and to share it with His friends.

Then, He brought new life!

We can run to Jesus with our anger like Martha did. We can run to him with our fear and sorrow. When we can't run to Him, He will come find us. He will sit with us and just cry. He is that kind of brother who walks beside. He is the Father who knows our needs. He is GOD who alone can bring new life from what has died in us.